office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
