after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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