My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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