You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
