My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
