Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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