I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize