wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
operation harelip BJ is a go
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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