My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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