I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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