Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
