Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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