Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My room smells like vodka and shame
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
