I wish I could punch you in the face.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
