I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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