this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
