...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
