Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
