guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize