what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
