Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
