I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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