she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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