My balls are so social today.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
