With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
