Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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