i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
