did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
