Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
