i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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