Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
