if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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