i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my phone needs a breathalizer
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
