I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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