You just made me feel so damn special
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize