you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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