forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
