I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
