U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
