got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
