You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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