I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
