I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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