he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
