And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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