Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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