i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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