How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize