Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wear drunk well.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
