All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
