Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
