Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
