Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize