Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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