the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
