god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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