she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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