Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
