guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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