That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You know, be my cock's hype man.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
