i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
