You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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