so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
