if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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