Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
