You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize