I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
