Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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