You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
