Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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