two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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