i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
