we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
