went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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